Outside my office window, a palm tree is swaying in the breeze. The sky is violet blue. A tiny hummingbird is hovering on the hedge. It’s heaven. It’s California. It’s home. I’m hunched over my laptop desperately searching for words that, like the bougainvillea on the garden wall, will tumble effortlessly onto the page. Ah! So now we have something. “Words tumbling effortlessly.” How lyrical. That doesn’t sound like the mood I’m in at all. If I were not...
Americans are all born with internal compasses. If you want proof just ask directions from any American. In LA it goes something like this: “So how do I get to your office from here?” (Me, desperately hoping this will not involve a freeway.) “Go north on Wilshire, take Bundy south for two blocks, turn east on Sepulveda, west on Barrington and our office will be on the north side of the street.” * Now this confuses me for a...
There’s a myth that California is full of airheads, a myth so firmly lodged in the British psyche that there they call it ‘La La Land’. And yet according to USC research, “there are more artists, writers, filmmakers, dancers and musicians living in Los Angeles than in any other city at any time in the history of civilization”.There’s also a huge manufacturing industry and seven Fortune 500 companies. So, clearly we don’t spend all day lying poolside, margarita in...
“Youth is wasted on the young” – George Bernard Shaw. Opening the bedroom shutters this morning, I was a little surprised to see six men dismembering my neighbor’s roof and more than a little pissed to see that much of her roof was landing in my garden. I high tailed it next door through a haze of debris and let my feelings be known. My neighbor is ninety-three. She knew how to talk me off what was left of...
“If you had one shot… would you capture it or just let it slip? Yo” – Eminem. Only five more days until my professional photo-shoot. I’m very excited. The last time I had a ‘formal’ photograph taken was at The Elvis Chapel in Vegas wearing a Priscilla wig, a rhinestone dress, and working a twenty-foot veil. (This may give you a sense of my understanding of the word ‘formal.’) For the book jacket I need something completely different; an...
“St. Pancras reminded Margaret of infinity” – Howards End, E.M. Forster. Every so often I feel the need to go to Loehmann’s. This is not simply an impulse to shop, it is much more specific than that. It is an impulse to shop at Loehmann’s. Loehmann’s allows the possibility of reinvention, infinite possibilities – a jumble of personalities. The possibility that maybe today I will emerge with a whole new persona. Maybe today I will come to understand the...
My exit from Vincente’s last night was unusual even by my standards. This was the first time that I had ever done a handstand on the way out of a restaurant. This was also the first time I’d had dinner with Bart Conner and his lovely wife, Nadia Comaneci. Why I felt the urge to share my extremely limited gymnastic ability with two Olympic champions I don’t quite remember. What I do remember is feeling a great sense of...
Dictionary.com defines the word ‘casual’ as “Happening by chance, informal”. And that’s what I thought it meant too, until we moved to LA, when soon after our arrival, we were invited to a garden party. “It’ll be just a few friends…very casual.” We were told. Clearly we didn’t all get the same memo. I am here to tell you that it is not a good feeling to turn up to something looking like you’re through to the final episode...
“Write what you know” – Mark Twain. This advice is frequently given to aspiring authors. It was given to me years ago and I decided to give it a try. At first I worried that what I knew was not necessarily the stuff of great literature, at least that’s what I thought, until I pared down a couple of Shakespeare plays and examined their plot lines. (This is the kind of thing you do on a Saturday night when...
A lot of people in LA have shrinks. Some people have more than one shrink. Some dogs here have shrinks and I probably need one too, because yesterday at Venice Beach, I hired a psychic adviser, a woman who is shifting my energy path and guiding me towards a state of enlightenment. Why this desire for transformation? I hear you ask. You are already so calm and centered. It began with a simple Tarot card reading (the kind of...