“BIG MISTAKE…Big… HUGE!”
This morning I came across a Joan Rivers’ quote:
“Never let a panty line show around your ankle.”
So… and this is a profound thought… some women go shopping… so that they can wear the clothes they bought last time they went shopping…to pretend to shop. Think about it. Everyone knows you can’t look like you’re airbrushed after you’ve tried to buy a pair of jeans in Barneys. Finding the perfect pair of jeans is the most thorough workout you are ever going to get in LA, and that’s without the psychological counselling you’ll need when you come to terms with the fact that although you enjoy her blog, you are not Gwyneth Paltrow.
Not long ago, in a side-lit mirror at Barneys, I caught sight of a deranged geriatric leaving a changing room empty handed. It turned out to be me. A few minutes afterwards, I ran smack into an immaculate Calista Flockhart. We’d met at a dinner a few weeks before. After exchanging a few strangled pleasantries, I went straight home.
And so it came to pass… that on my next shopping expedition I pulled it together; carefully applied foundation, a little blush, hair pulled back a la Jessica Parker, a black tee that would survive a mid morning espresso, the black pants I had worn the previous evening and the Louboutins I usually keep for night time. Bring it ON!
My newfound confidence was such that I decided on a little detour to the Yves St Laurent boutique on Rodeo Drive to experience my very own ‘Pretty Woman’ moment. This went fine, though not having Richard Gere’s black card proved to be a disadvantage. But I did get lingering glances that fuelled my newfound sense of poise and so I took a jaunt around Chanel and Louis Vuitton with ‘attitude’. Daunted at the thought of trying on jeans, I continued to saunter around Beverly Hills and bought some foundation in Barneys, simply to bask in my super cool reflection.
It was when I was undressing later that afternoon that I noticed the pair of knickers attached to the heel of my shoe. The knickers that had clearly worked their way down one leg of last night’s trousers to get there.
Who knew there was such a thing as wearing too MANY undergarments?